2011 was a good year for me. I went from the highest of highs to rock bottom, but managed to survive with maturity and lessons well learned.
2011…
…brought me my highest college gpa to date. Back then, it felt like I wasn’t doing enough, now I wish I could go back, I would appreciate that gpa in a heartbeat.
…brought me my lowest college gpa to date. Hitting rock bottom so hard so fast (10 weeks time, actually), has really put me in a tough position in my life right now. I can’t decide between two things. One that will provide me stability and one that will provide me with a possible passion in life.
…brought me CERTAINTY. In the beginning of the year, I was on the top of the world. Starting off the year with a gpa I could be proud of and a career to look forward to. I felt like I was going somewhere, and I knew where I was going. I knew for sure that somehow I was going to get there, no matter how impossible it seemed. It was a dream, but it was so tangible. I was holding the world in one hand and giving a fat middle finger to the serious life with the other. I was doing well and having fun: “fuck it, I’m down” and/or “fuck it, we’re young” had never been so true. All this certainty about my future and life was reinforced by so many things. Being a panelist for the pharmsci department truly changed my life. What if I had never opened that email? God knows where my life would have ended up. It was that day, in that moment that I was talking to those few parents at “Honors Experience Day” that I realized I was going to be a pharmacist. I was on the right track. Getting a spot in Dr. Jafari’s research lab. This happened so quickly, I am so blessed. Beyond blessed, beyond privileged, beyond lucky. If I had never became a panelist, I would have never met KP. If had never met KP, I would have never understood just what a big deal Dr. Jafari was, if I had never understood this, I would have never joined PPS. I would have never sat in on Dr. Jafari’s speech, if I never heard her speak, I would have never been inspired by her story and words: “My office hours are open to everyone. Email me and come by.” Ever since that day, I always wanted to email her. I waited months before I did, and I finally emailed her asking if I could see her lab, which I knew I was not good enough for and which I knew was waitlisted. For some reason, I got in. It was the happiest day of the year for me. It was as if God said, “You’re gonna get there, and you know what? Here’s how you’re gonna know. Here’s what’s gonna push you and drive you.” I even started off the summer knowing perfectly well that I was gonna spend every day of it with my boyfriend. And my life at this point was perfect.
… brought me UNCERTAINTY. Six months later after being on top of the world, doubt and uncertainty took over. My grades dropped tremendously and I started lose hope in my dreams. My dreams became so faint. I used to go to bed every night thinking about the future. I knew how I was gonna get there I was so sure, but then every night I started going to bed wondering how. I kept revamping my 4 year plan to fit every screw up I made. And here I am, about to change majors and I’m pretty happy I wrote this blog. It’s reminding me of how hopeful I once was and its making me realize I shouldn’t quit. But more on this later. As sure as I was of life, I am suddenly equally, if not more, unsure. Here I am wondering what I’m supposed to be doing with myself. I’m about to turn 20, and realizing that yeah older adults go through a mid-life crisis, but I wish someone warned me about the “20 Crisis”. I’m realizing that I’m no longer going to be a teenager and that I need to decide here and now what I will be doing for the rest of my life. The older I get, the more worried I am. The more logistically and practical-minded I am becoming.
… got me my PharmTech certification. Yay. HAHA. Now if I could get employed, life would be nice.
… made me realize who my true friends are. I think this is a lesson people learn every year, but this year was especially different. I started 2011 (and first year for that matter) meeting tons of people, people I consider acquaintances still to this day (sorry bout it), but I am ending first year realizing who I can truly count on. I know the people who are true, and the people who will stand by me. All through high school, I took pride in not showing so much weakness. I vented to people, sure, but to truly ask for help was out of my capabilities. I always left it up to myself to handle. This year, I realized that I cannot keep that charade up for too long and that I will always need help. Special thanks to Walter Nguyen, Justin Chin, Allen Chiu, Hyung Phouasalit and Brandon Kuey and many others that I am missing by name, but these are just a few that I broke this barrier with and let see me at my most vulnerable time — when I’m asking for help.
… held the end of my first year. First year was amazing. There are no words. I will never take anything back. From the night that we did jager bombs at an ungodly hour (which led to attending class in not the best state of mind) to the day I literally aid in bed all day with someone special and everything in between.
… held the beginning of my second year. Second year so far has been teaching me independence. How to truly juggle life. I’m still trying to figure it all out, but I’ve started.
… brought me How I Met Your Mother. This show is AWESOME. And I can’t believe I spent six years NOT watching it. This is truly worthy to be on this list.
… was the year I turned 19! I couldn’t’ve asked for a better lowkey birthday. All I wanted this year was to spend it in good company and do nothing more. This was the ideal situation. The night before, my closest friends (Hyung, Katie and Andrew) took me UTC, bought me Yogurtland. Then we studied (cos we had a midterm the following monday and my birthday was on a Sunday). At around midnight, we went to go get Pho @ Pho Vinky 2. HAHA. Then when we got back, Katie surprised me with a gift! Aww. I went to sleep, while the rest of them stayed up. I woke up the next morning, and went to go pee. I walk back and my door is COVERED in notes from Hyung! It made me so happy. Then later in the day, my roomie surprised me with an amazing birthday gift! :) Then, Haruna made Tierra and I a birthday dinner! Omg, she’s so nice. Complete with cake and a nice gift, as well :) Then while studying more for the midterm, Andrew, Katie, Hyung and Cindy surprised me with another cake! hahah. Best lowkey birthday ever. Nothing crazy, nothing official.
… was the year Allen and I got together. Anyone who knows me knows that Allen is a major part of my life and a major part of this year. Since the year started we have spent close to every day together, and what amazes me is that it hasn’t led us to grow weary of each other. I think ideally thats what you want in a relationship. Someone you can never really get sick of, no matter how much time you spend together. I am blessed to be in such a kickass relationship.
Overall, this year was amazing.
